Tenison Park – Highlands Course Dallas, TX October 13, 2012 OU 62 – TX 21
Ah yesssss… 2012 saw the Sooners spank the horns yet again, this time beating the ever-living schit out of Mack Brown’s overmatched squad to the tune of 63-21. It hasn’t been close now for about three years.
This time horn fans behaved themselves and (to my knowledge) didn’t even have the muster to pick a fight with any of the ladies. Things cannot be good in Austin these days.
The 2012 installment of the Red River War was the fourth massive blowout Bob Stoops’ troops have enjoyed over Texas since he took the reins in 1999. This rivarly is beginning to look a lot like Florida vs. Georgia.
That said, the weekend involved a massive consumption of cold beer and I’m afraid I don’t recall much about the Ugly proper – including the winners of said tournament. I do recall one of the marshalls at Tenison Park frowned on the ladies’ jello-shot donation. Of course, this was AFTER he had partaken of several jello-shots himself. After telling him he could go ‘Go phuck himself’, I’m afraid we won’t be returning to Tenison again anytime soon. Of course, I also said that after the “The Legend of Lefty” and “Beer Golf I & II” so who really knows???
Tenison Park – Highlands Course Dallas, TX October 7, 2011 OU 55 – TX 17
2011 saw the Sooners start another winning streak over the hated horns, pounding Mack Brown’s squad to the tune of 55-17. It was never close.
Not surprisingly, some of the horns didn’t take it so well. After the game, Ugly fans witnessed yet another Bitch-Slapping incident as an intoxicated puke of a Texas fan thought it would be cool to flip schit to one of our ladies. In this case, it was the lovely Candace Easley. And if you know Candace, she can take care of herself. After all, she’s been putting up with Lance’s schit for years.
Eerily similar to the first horn who got bitch-slapped in 2003, the little man dressed in burnt orange thought it would be cool to pick on a woman. In this case, he picked on the wrong woman. After an insult that would make a sailor blush, Candace rared back with a closed fist and dough-popped the classless asshole right in the kisser. The sorry little bastard turned tail and ran down the Midway – probably to seek the comfort and sympathy of his boyfriend.
And for the record, Candace and the Lovely D each been in more OU / Texas fights than their husbands. Who’da thunk it???
Champions – Good Flight: Todd Cook Ugly Flight: John Decker & Reid Steinmann
Tenison Park – Highlands Course Dallas, TX October 1, 2010 OU 28 – TX 20
2010 witnessed a return to normalcy of sorts. The Sooners got back on the winning track and handed the hated horns one of their 7, yes SEVEN, losses on the year. It was another glorious, sunny day at the Cotton Bowl and we celebrated well into the night. Chicken in the Pot is ALWAYS better following a win in the Red River Shootout.
And the Ugly got back on track too as we returned to the hallowed grounds of Tenison Park and reprised Beer Golf. The 2010 installment was somewhat subdued compared to the original event in 1996. A byproduct of getting older, I guess.
Nevertheless, Bro Todd of TwistedEpicurean fame and Jim Buffington took the honors in the Good Flight, outlasting perennial contenders Geoff Wright and Ben Friedman and two other teams in a playoff that lasted well past dark. Rumors continue to fly about how they actually determined a winner but the one that involves a goat, $10, a bottle of booze and a hooker seems to be the most probable.
And in what can only be described as a ‘controversial’ decision by the Tournament Committee, the Ugly Flight was won by John Henry Decker and Reid ‘Steinomite’ Steinmann.
The controversy you axe?
As the scores were being tallied, the resident golf pro and official scorer at Tenison Park failed to document the number of empty beer cans in each cart as participants turned in their score cards. And when the final scores were tallied, the only team to save their cans happened to be the two drunkest idiots on the course.
Proudly and loudly, Decker and Steinmann stumbled up to the scorer’s table and deposited what can only be described as a pile of empty Coor’s Light cans that would have made Wade Boggs or even Andre the Giant blush. They had consumed a whopping 48 beers in 18 holes and as the only ones with evidence of their consumption, The Tournament Committee determined Team Decker was the only one allowed to deduct their beers from the otherwise putrid two-man scramble total of 82.
When the decision was announced, whails and cries and howls of derision erupted from the other participants. But the Tournament Committee had spoken and all decisions by the committee are final.
And who makes up the Tournament Committee you axe?
Champions – Good Flight: Vince Bogard & Mike Williams Ugly Flight: Pie-Man & Crust-Boy
Tenison Park – Highlands Course Dallas, TX October 17, 2009 (L) OU 13 – TX 16
It’s amazing how this great rivalry is a series of ebbs and flows. The Sooners will win five in a row and then Texas will reel off four out of five. Unfortunately, 2009 found the Sooners in a definite ebb. A season that was set to start with such promise, was off track before the first game against BYU. Offensive weapon extraordinaire Jermaine Gresham went down two days before the first game and was lost for the season with a knee injury. Then salt was poured directly in to that fresh wound when last year’s Heisman winner Sam Bradford went down on the last play of the first half in a loss to lowly BYU.
Sam did manage to come back for the Texas game and looked great on his first drive, leading the Sooners to an early lead. Alas, excrement was thrown in our face yet again as Kevin Wilson decided to roll Sam out on a naked boot on the first play of the second series and Aaron Williams separated Sam’s injured shoulder rendering our other difference maker lost for the year – just like Jermaine.
Redshirt frosh Landry Jones came in and did an admirable job but he could not do what Jason White did in 2001 and will the Sooners to victory from off the bench. A heartbreaking 16-13 loss made it four defeats in the last five years to the hated Whorns. Something’s really got to change.
As for the tournament, it was a successful return to the fabled Tenison Park. The course has been redone since our last visit in the mid-90’s. Given the antics from Uglies past, it’s really no wonder. The Cigar Store Indians Vince Bogard and Mike Williams took home honors in the Good Flight and the Pie-Man / Crust-Boy team of Mike Winsky and Robbie Thompson sandbagged their way to the title in the Ugly Flight.
Woodbridge Golf Club Wylie, TX October 11, 2008 (L) OU 35 – TX 45
2008 was another bittersweet year for the Sooners. After dominating a strong Texas squad in the first half, MLB Ryan Reynolds went down to another knee injury early in the third quarter. The momentum steadily swung Texas’ way and they went on to a hard fought victory. The team did manage to rally and win the Big XII and go to yet another MNC game where we lost to Florida 24-14. I fear college football is slowly killing me.
As for the tournament itself, it was yet another great time and the weather was fantastic too. No Big Ugly Chicks, no more charity and no more “Ted and Larry” hangers on. Just good friends, good beer and really bad golf.
Outside of the game, the most unfortunate occurrence of the weekend was no repeat performances on the Big Ugly Bus. The antics of the previous year scared off a quickly aging (re: prude) crowd who is now starting to bring their kids to the OU / Texas game. As the great Hank Williams Jr. so aptly sings, “All My Rowdy Friends Have Settled Down, And They Seem To Be Into Laid Back Songs…”
Woodbridge Golf Club Wylie, TX October 5, 2007 OU 28 – TX 21
2007 saw the universe restored to its rightful order. Demarco Murray’s scintillating leap over Joe Jon Finley and his 65 yard dash to pay dirt highlighted the Sooners’ thrilling victory over the hated horns. Bob Stoops is now 6-3 versus Mack Brown and Texas while the Sooners are 8-8-1 against Texas since the Ugly started in 1991.
The tournament was a great time and the weather was once again Chamber of Commerce quality. Nobody drove their golf cart across a green or through any sand traps but the bus ride to and (especially) from the game would have made the ‘Old Uglies’ proud. Rodney Carrington led the bus through his classic “Show Them To Me” again and again and again. I won’t reveal if anyone actually did. You’ll have to join us on the bus this year if you want to find out!
Champions – Good Flight: Geoff Wright & Ben Friedman Ugly Flight: Billy Shine & Jeff Barry
Woodbridge Golf Club Wylie, TX October 6, 2006 (L) OU 10 – TX 28
On the heels of the Rhett Bomar / Big Red Sports & Imports fiasco, the Sooners fell apart in the second half and lost their second game in a row to the hated horns. As luck would have it, the horns ended up pissing all over themselves in late November losing to K-State and TAMU and gave the Sooners an unexpected spot in the Big 12 Championship game against Nebbish. Thank you Mack Brown for your Swiss Cheese Secondary.
The tournament itself was once again a great success. The weather was perfect and we had by far the largest turnout ever. Many thanks to Woodbridge Golf Club and all sponsors, participants and volunteers for making the event a great success.
Champions – Good Flight: Vince Bogard & David Winters Ugly Flight: Mike Truscott & Bryan Holliday
Woodbridge Golf Club Wylie, TX October 7, 2005 (L) OU 12 – TX 45
After five years of dominance, a young and inexperienced Sooners squad fell to the hated horns for the first time this century. Like salt to an open wound, Texas wormed its way through the rest of the schedule and knocked off Southern Cal for its first undefeated season and first national championship in 35 years. I guess it had to happen sometime, but suffice to say, it has made for a LONG year for this south of the border Sooner. I can only hope it will be another 35 years before the hated horns experience such success again.
Nevertheless, the Ugly was smashing success and we were treated to great weather yet again at Woodbridge Golf Club.
In the Good Flight, Oklahoma State alums Vince Bogard and David Winters took first place honors firing a 2 under par 70 and winning by 1 stroke over three other teams. In the Ugly Flight, the Sooners got a little redemption as Mike Truscott and Bryan Holliday ensured their entry into next year’s Good Flight with a sizzling 7 under par 65.
The highlight of the tournament however, had to be Gordita Girl’s jello shots. Strategically positioned on the 2nd hole, GG and her fellow Big Ugly Chicks were armed with hundreds of jello shots. They were set to heckle, haggle and hex would-be Tiger Woods’s prior to their shots on the short par 3. Unfortunately, they did not understand the logistics of the shotgun start that placed groups on holes 1 thru 9. As such, only two groups passed the second hole before the 2 hour gap that occurred while everyone was playing the back nine. As such, they waited – and partook of the jello shots. Then they waited some more – and partook of the jello shots.
By the time everyone got back around to play the 2nd, the girls were smashed. So much so that my lovely bride ended up running over David Bennington with her golf cart. Not since “The Legend of Lefty” have we had such a fracas involving motorized caddies. Fortunately, Bennington’s game was already a wreck. His badly bruised leg slowed down his swing and led to a remarkable turn-around.
And even though the Sooners’ play on Saturday followed suit with my putrid putting, the Texas State Fair and the Cotton Bowl, with the stadium split down the 50 yard line, is one of the greatest scenes in all of sports. The October North Texas sunshine, corny dogs and midway carnival barkers combine with the smell of 10,000 show animals to create pure sensory overload. It is sad the Dallas City Council has squandered yet another major sports opportunity and is set to lose the game to a home and home series beginning in 2011. Thank you Laura Miller for your outstanding vision and leadership. Enjoy your billion dollar Calatrava bridges and your stinkin’ smoking ban.
Champions – Good Flight: Ben Friedman & Geoff Wright Bad Flight: Barry Carter & Lance Easley Ugly Flight: John Lukehart & Brandon Spencer
Woodbridge Golf Club Wylie, TX October 8, 2004 OU 12 – TX 0
For the fifth consecutive year, the Sooners stomped the hated Horns, handing them a glorious Shutout Sammich and winning 12-0. It was the first shutout for either team since the Sooners put another El Blanco on the Horns in 1972.
In the Good Flight, Geoff Wright and Ben Friedman smoked the field by 4 strokes to take highest honors. In the Bad Flight, Barry Carter and Lance Easley won by one stroke over several teams and John Lukehart and Brandon Spencer won the Ugly Flight with an 8 under par 64.
Unfortunately, after pasting the Longhorns in October, the Sooners threw up another clunker at the end of the season losing in that “Game of Which We Do Not Speak.” After reveling in the two recent landmark victories of 63-14 and 65-13 over Texas, I walked out of the Orange Bowl that fateful night thinking to myself, “Well hell. I guess know how the Horns must feel.”
Champions – Good Flight: Billy Nava & Ray Rhodes Bad Flight: Eric Fultz & Matt Price Ugly Flight: The Wardog & Ryan Adler
Woodbridge Golf Club Wylie, TX October 10, 2003 OU 65 – TX 13
Every year I ask myself, “How can we top last year?” And with the 2003 OU / Texas weekend now in our rearview mirror, I am happy to report it was a great time! The Sooners whipped the Longhorns in record fashion, recording their fourth consecutive victory in the storied series, while 78 players joined us at Woodbridge Golf Club for the fourth consecutive year to revel in the Ugly.
And after three straight years of cold, wet weather, participants were treated to chamber of commerce conditions with temperatures in the low 80’s and very little wind. The course was also in great shape and as a result the scores were low. Roy Rhodes and Billy Nava took first place honors in the Good Flight with a 5 under par 67, Eric Fultz and Matt Price won the Bad Flight with a 19 under par 53 and the Ryan Adler / Wardog Russell team repeated as champions of the Ugly Flight with a 5 under par 67.
However, as great as the conditions were, for me the 2003 Ugly and OU / Texas weekend will be remembered for four amazing occurrences:
First, we had a hole-in-one. Robbie Worrell aced the 17th hole to record the tournament’s and his first ever ace. The fact that it occurred on a par four made it all the more special as it also resulted in our first ever double eagle. Unfortunately for Robbie, the 17th did not have a hole-in-one prize and it ironically occurred just after the par 3 where John Lukehart of Leadership Ford had wagered a 2004 Ford Explorer against a hole-in-one. Even more unfortunate for Robbie however, was he had to catch a flight early the following morning and missed said flight after treating his buddies to the requisite night on the town.
Second, this year’s Ugly also witnessed our first official service of summons – and no it was not a paternity suit. Rather, it was a defamation of character lawsuit filed in Harris County Texas claiming the defendant (Uncle Marsh) had defamed the character of a Fraternity Brother (Graefe aka ‘Gluefoot’). It was served in the middle of the 10th fairway and was appropriately accepted by the defendant’s attorney (Seacat) who was also doubling as the defendant’s Ugly partner.
Third, I will forever remember this as the weekend where my wife absolutely bitch-slapped a longhorn fan on our way into the Cotton Bowl. Now those familiar with the lovely D know she is not an OU fan. She went to Notre Dame by way of Nebraska and could not care less about OU – or Texas. She is however, a college football fan and enjoys going to the game. About 45 minutes before the game, as we were navigating our way through the Midway, we passed a large group of Texas fans. When one of them, a guy standing about a half a foot taller than either one of us, asked for the time, she politely turned around and said: “It’s about 1:50.”
To which the unsuspecting dipshit replied, “Ha! Ha! It’s 1:50 and OU still sucks!”
Diana took one step toward him and slapped the dickhead square across the face. I shot him a shit-eating grin but he said nothing more, his buddies said nothing and the wife and I simply turned back around and giggled our asses all the way into the stadium. She became an instant OU fan – at least for that afternoon.
And lastly, I said I would remember this weekend for four amazing occurrences. The fourth you wonder?
OU 65, Texas 13.
I’m still giggling my ass off.
Texas freshman quarterback Vince Young looks up at the scoreboard while OU fans cheer on the 4th victory against the Longhorns.
OU 62 – TX 21
The 2025 Big Ugly 