Champions –
Good Flight: Ben Friedman & Geoff Wright
Bad Flight: Brett Coleman & Jeff Brown
Ugly Flight: The Wardog & Ryan Adler

Woodbridge Golf Club
Wylie, TX
October 12, 2002
OU 35 – TX 24

In what could also be titled ‘Three-Peat and the Infidel’, the 2002 Ugly will forever be known as Chickgate. Officially, 89 players turned out and raised over $7,000 for the Pintail Youth Ranch. In the Good Flight, high school buddies Geoff Wright and Ben Friedman finally won a legitimate title winning in a playoff over defending champions Alan Bain and Patrick Hogan. Both teams fired outstanding 68’s to tie for first with Hogan shooting 68 on his own ball and Friedman shooting 70. Geoff and Ben won in a sudden death playoff with a birdie on the first hole.

In the Bad Flight, Brett Coleman bettered his reported handicap by 16 strokes to shoot a mulligan enabled, white tee 69. White tees or not – 3 under is damn impressive. The Tournament Committee did investigate a rumor of a large quantity of sand reported in the area where Coleman changed his shoes. However some quick math determined the “Browner / Colewhore” team would have won with a scratch handicap so the investigation was halted.

The Ugly Flight came down to a “Longhornesque” collapse by last year’s defending champions. After listening to a healthy dose premature smack from “The Old Man and the Uncle” team, Wardog and Adler came from several strokes down to surpass their overly cocky adversaries and take top honors.

Lastly, what would an Ugly be without a little controversy? For those of you not in the know, 2001 was the first year we asked some of the ladies to help with registration on the day of the tournament. They were a huge help and had a great time. Unfortunately, they had such a great time they decided they wanted to play this year. But as a card carrying member of the “He-man, Woman Haters’ Club,” I not only told them no, but HELL NO!

So when my good buddy Mark Watkins signed up this year with a heretofore unknown Sam Meadows in his foursome, I never dreamed Sam was actually a Samantha – a longhorn-loving Samantha at that.

Once she arrived at the course it became quite apparent but by then I figured, “What can I do about it now?”

Unfortunately, many of those same volunteers (my wife Diana, Susan Wilmot, Melanie Wallace, Vanessa Rodriguez and Karen Schwartzkopf) were back at the registration table in 2002. Let’s just say they hadn’t forgotten being rebuffed and certainly did not have the same “WTF?” attitude displayed by your humble host.

No great harm but I took a full wrath of well-deserved grief and continue to do so today. The 12th Annual Big Ugly will forever be known as “Chickgate” and all applicants will be scanned carefully prior to next year’s event to prevent future infiltrations.

Champions –
Good Flight: Pat Hogan & Alan Bain (and Jim Ashworth)
Bad Flight: Vince Bogard & Byron Frazar
Ugly Flight: Robert Seacat & Marshall Brown

Woodbridge Golf Club
Wylie, TX
October 5, 2001
OU 14 – TX 3

For the second straight year, the weather was cold and wet with temperatures in the low fifties. When the rain finally subsided around 1:00, 90 golfers teed off in time to allow most to finish before dark. I say most of us because the Decker brothers and their partners O’Roche and Firth decided it more appropriate to play tackle football in the 17th fairway as opposed to finishing their putrid rounds. Covered in mud and undeniably drunk, they stumbled back to the clubhouse forty-five minutes after dark.

Nevertheless, the 11th Annual Ugly was a tremendous success. The Sooners once again triumphed over Chrissy Simms and the hated horns and we raised more than $3,000 for the Pintail Youth Ranch and the Women’s and Children’s Fund of the NYC Uniformed Firefighter’s Association.

Marshall Brown and Robert Seacat took honors in the Ugly division and Vince Bogard and Byron Frazar won the Bad flight.

On a sad, yet inspiring note, the Good flight was won by Patrick Hogan. His partner, tournament Co-Chair Alan Bain was unable to play as his father-in-law Jim passed away just hours before the scheduled start. Playing by himself, Hogan shot a remarkable four under par 68 to take first place against 13 other teams playing two-man best-ball. “Hogie” swears to this day he could feel Jim on his bag. It was an awesome – and fitting – performance.

Champions –
Good Flight: Neer Srivastava & Billy Nava
Bad Flight: John Lukehart & John Aleman
Ugly Flight: Mike Campbell & Brian Kenaga

Woodbridge Golf Club
Wylie, TX
October 6, 2000
OU 63 – TX 14

Like all previous Uglies, the 2000 event witnessed a record turnout. 72 players gathered at Woodbridge Golf Club in Wylie, Texas. However, that is hardly the story of the first Ugly of the new millennium.

The real story was the utter, thorough and dominant spanking the Sooners put on the hated ‘Horns in the Cotton Bowl. Josh Heupel led the offense and Jenks’ graduate Rocky Calmus led the defense in the most one-sided and delicious game in the history of the storied rivalry. Oklahoma had lost a big lead the year before to lose to Texas. It was NOT going to happen again.

OU jumped out to a 35-0 lead and cruised into halftime leading 42-7. The north half of the Cotton Bowl was deserted except for a few miserable ‘Horn fans. Stoops’ Troops coasted through the second half and partied all the way back to Norman.

Oklahoma 63, Texas 14.

The Sooners would go on to be AP #2 Kansas State the following week and then AP#1 Nebraska the week after that.

Oklahoma would finish the regular season undefeated and then beat a heavily favored Florida State 13-2 in the Orange Bowl for the Sooners 7th National Championship.

Champions – Kevin McGovern & Trevor Jares

Ridgeview Ranch Golf Club
Allen, TX
October 8, 1999
(L) OU 28 – TX 38

1999 was the last year we played at Ridgeview. And as of 2004, it just also happens to be the last time the Sooners lost to Texas.

Two of Bain’s buddies, Kevin McGovern and Trevor Jares fired a smooth 2 Under to take first place honors.

However, the highlight of the weekend was the now infamous “Gordita Incident.” At the time I was dating this wonderful woman – pretty, successful and as a bonus, she loved beer. I figured I was set.

It was the night before the ’99 Ugly, and per usual, we met at Stan’s Blue Note for the Traditional Thursday Night Gathering. At the end of the evening we, along with Easley, made a necessary detour through the local Taco Bell.

Now this woman I was dating was wonderful and all, but she was afflicted with a certain disease. She was female. And as EVERY female is wont to do, she refused to order up when asked at the drive thru – as evidenced by the conversation below:

Cook: “Honey, what do you want?”  
GF: “Oh, nothing. I’m not hungry.”
Cook: “Are you sure? You like Gorditas.”
GF: “No, it’s late. They will just make me fat.”

Simple enough right?

Nope.

We get home, unpacked our bounty of Gorditas and soon thereafter I ducked into the head. As I come out of the bathroom, I see this wonderful woman eating Easley’s Gordita. She knew it would piss me off if she even asked for a bite of mine. So, instead she kipes one off my Padnuh!

I’m sure it surprises no one that I proceeded to make an ass of myself.

It all worked out in the end. That wonderful, conniving woman became my wife the following year. 

Champions – Chad Mudd & Tracey “Lucky Lindy” Lindburgh

Ridgeview Ranch Golf Club
Allen, TX
October 9, 1998
(L) OU 3 – TX 34

Speaking of being cheated, the 1998 Ugly was marred by another unfortunate incident. I guess if you hold a tournament long enough, you’re bound to encounter some REALLY unscrupulous types. Never, however, did I expect it to come from a trusted friend and business partner.

My buddy, Gavin McLeod (no relation to the famous Love Boat captain), decided it was his time to win the Ugly. After two previously failed attempts, Gavin decided to bring a “friend from church” as his partner. His friend, Travis (last name never given), toured the Ridgeview Ranch course in a sleek 67. As you may imagine, Gavin’s TEAM came in with a 67. In a classic example of “what goes around, comes around,” Gavin and the Ringer were only good enough to take second. Chad Mudd and Tracey Lindburgh brother-in-lawed their way around in 66 and took the team honors. Justice was served and the One-Foot Rule was born:

The Cross ‘One-Foot’ Rule

If any player brings a person of high skill in golf specifically to win the Ugly and there is no other value of having that person in the tourney, Cross will stick one foot in the said party’s ass at any time he feels necessary. If he is unable to perform such a task without fear of bodily harm, a seven-iron may be used instead his foot. (Sec 69, Part 2; Ugly Rules of Golf).”

Champions – Geoff Wright & Ben Friedman Jeff Cook & Tim Pennington

Ridgeview Ranch Golf Club
Allen, TX
October 10, 1997
(L) OU 24 – TX 27

1997 saw us move the Ugly a little closer to the Red River. The tournament was “won” by two of my high school teammates – Geoff Wright and Ben Friedman. Geoff sank a 30 footer on 18 to tie Pennington and me at 2 under. Ben birdied the first playoff hole and Pennington and I once again took bridesmaid honors – but the result was later protested.

NOTE: It has since been verified (and somewhat admitted to by the culprits) that Brother Wright soiled the White Cross by taking an extra putt(s) to get into the playoff. What is more unfortunate, is my little brother Todd and my then future best man Easley were their playing partners and allowed it to happen!

The pen always wins in the end, and the Tournament Committee stripped Ben and Geoff were stripped of the title making Cook and Pennington 2 time champions!

Tournament Committee: Cook

Champions – Barry Carter & Tad Fifer

Tenison Park West
Dallas, TX
October 11, 1996
OU 30 – TX 27

Amazingly, Tennison had us back one more time. We had the largest turnout of any Ugly up to that time – 48 players. For some reason, common sense lost out to insanity, and we implemented the Beer Golf Rule. You would think from what happened the year before, we would be smarter.

We weren’t.

“Beer Golf” allows players to deduct a stroke from their final score for each 16oz. tallboy they drink. Your team score is then what you actually shoot minus the beers you drink.

NOTE: My apologies to Clay Smith and the rest of his group. You see, the original idea was to require the player to shotgun the beer to receive credit. Unfortunately, Clay’s foursome wasn’t made aware of the amendment. Being a man of Fairness and Decency, Clay stuck to the original rule. Much to his chagrine (and his playing partners) Clay was puking to high hell by the sixth hole!

Barry Carter became the first repeat champion when he and Tad Fifer took first place with a two under par 70. They each drank nine beers and thus shot a net 52 winning the Gross and Net honors. The drunkest of the day went to Geoff Wright and Marshall Brown who EACH drank 17 tallboys! They shot a pathetic team score of 90, but when you can deduct 34 strokes, you deserve an honor. They took 3rd.

Champions – Jeff Cook & Tim Pennington

Tenison Park West
Dallas, TX
October 13, 1995
(TIE) OU 24- TX 24

Since Ugly IV was such a success – and they had a beer cart – we returned to Tennison in 1995. Knowing I hadn’t won in four previous years, I decided to just get loaded and see what would happen. It seems I wasn’t the only one partaking of the nectar that day. Bain, Miller and Dusty managed to polish off a half gallon of cheap vodka on the front nine . On the back, Dusty managed to break his 3 wood, drive his cart over the green (he was trying to kill his partner) and broadside the marshal who had merely come out to tell the Legend he probably shouldn’t be driving. After knocking the poor marshal out of his cart, Dusty thought it would be wise to hide. Good idea, right? Sure, except the bushes Dusty decided to hide in only concealed him from the knees up. Thanks to Miller for plunking down his credit card, Bain for kicking the shit out of Dusty in front of the marshal, and Seacat for doing his lawyer thing. Somehow we all avoided being arrested. I don’t remember who won that year, but I do remember it was a hell of a time. Why did they ever let us return again the next year?

The dawn of a new era is upon us. The 2024 College Football Season begins this weekend and the Sooners have a whole new crew of dragons to slay.

Rocky Top, Auburn, South Carolina, Ole Miss in the Grove, Mizzou, Bama and even LSU in Death Valley.

And while that’s a much steeper hill climb than Iowa State, Taco Tech and Little Brother, there’s always Texas.

The hated horns. The tea-sippers decked out in their burnt orange on the 40 acres, 200 miles south of the Red.

October and fall temps are around the corner. It’s The Texas State Fair. The Red River Shootout. The SEC.

Every year since 1929, the Cotton Bowl in Dallas has been split in half. North Side, Texas. South Side, OU. Our world’s collide and time stands still.

The Sooners are 17-8 in the series since Y2K – one of those being a win in the Big XII Championship Game at Jerry World in 2018.

In the last 24 years, Oklahoma has scored 50 or more points six times including wins of 63-14, 65-10, 55-17 and 63-21.

Possibly even more heartbreaking for Texas fans, the Sooners have pulled out come-from-behind, last second and even OT wins. In the last 15 games, the Sooners are 11-4 with 9 of those victories coming in one-score games. Last year’s dramatic 34-30 last second, come-from-behind victory was particularly painful for those in burnt orange.

So with the season afoot, it’s time to plan your trip to Dallas. It’s time to get UGLY. It’s time to show the SEC what this storied weekend is all about.

BOOMER

It’s almost here. The biggest Ugly in years will kick off next Thursday night. Top Golf was not available so we’re returning to the original. Stan’s Blue Note on Lowest Greenville Avenue is a classic Dallas watering hole. Plan to gather there Thursday evening to get your Ugly going.

The Ugly proper will kick off at 11:30am on Friday. It’s once again at Stevens Park Golf Course just southwest of Downtown Dallas. The course is almost 100 years old and was renovated in 2011. Every year it’s listed as one of the Top 10 public golf courses in Texas.

Tee Times and Groupings are set and I can’t wait to see you guys for the 33rd edition of The Big Ugly!!